I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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