i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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