She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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