there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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