I just made out with a guy for $7.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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