my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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