Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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