I wish my penis had an off switch
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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