All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
