i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
