Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
