If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
