Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He felt like a one man threesome
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
