Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
