Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
