can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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