Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
