He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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