His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
So much Jack, so little girl.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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