kristin has been a bad kristin
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
