Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
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