Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
