At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
