Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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