I think I just saw someone hide a body.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
