...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
