he wants to bone in the snuggie
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
