I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
