I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
