Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
