Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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