haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
how does that bad decision feel?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
