walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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