The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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