I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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