haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
