Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
