White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
