Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
