You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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