I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
