I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
PANTIES FOUND
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
