She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Randomize
