And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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