either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
