I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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