oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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