she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
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