I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You pole danced in your parka.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
