at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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