Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
we're so committed to being not committed
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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