The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
