And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
