it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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